It was exasperation and boredom all around last night, and that's no way to celebrate the tiny baby Jesus's birthday. We started the episode just where we had left off last week – Melissa had just finished pushing some lawyer out the front door of her Christmas party at Teresa's request....

As far as family gatherings with this group go, it was fairly banal. And when the word "banal" covers the inclusion of a mechanical bull in Thanksgiving festivities, you know you've got an insane group on your hands. No tables were flipped, no drinks were thrown and no weaves were tugged....

The anonymous redheaded woman who was hosting the dinner piped up to say that one of Teresa's daughters had been invited to her kid's birthday and never RSVP'd, and she seemed to think that would be some sort of revelation or an interesting peek into Teresa's psyche. Listen, we all know that...

Not cool! Thankfully, Bravo is one of those networks that always plays its programming over and over again, ad nauseum, and I was able to catch the replay. So for everyone who normally livetweets with me: Apologies! I'll set a phone alarm or something next week. Anyway, last night's episode...

I continued to gag while the couple talked about their marriage, which is sort of like that of Alexis and Earth Jesus in Orange County, except instead of basing the inequality on a fundamental misreading of the Bible and trying to couch it in personal choice, Melissa and Joe simply base...

Absolutely nothing of consequence happened except for Teresa trying to use her words and write a letter at the very end of the show. I understand that even with our New Jersey broads, not every episode can be The Great Christening Smackdown of 2011. I get it! And maybe the network figured...

err, recording studio in the basement, and upon hearing that, Melissa thanked Jesus for the bounty that he had given her. And by "bounty," I mean her fake tan and reality show. Over at Teresa's, on the other hand, Juicy was fixing dinner with the Slap Chop and then he and Teresa had a...

She gets a Louis Vuitton suitcase! And a Rolex! And some bedazzled shoes! AND A NEW RECORDING STUDIO! COME ON DOWN, MELISSA! It just wouldn't be right to celebrate Jesus's birthday (which she keeps reminding us is the real meaning of Christmas) without a bunch of overpriced, questionably...

It's all because she threw a birthday party for Jesus, you guys. This is what happens when you remember Jesus's birthday and put on a short, sparkly dress for him. Maybe take a few body shots off a life-size crucifix for good measure. In a stark turn of events, we went to Caroline's house...

On his 66th birthday, David Jones gifted us something wonderful. He quietly presented a new single – after 10 years. There was no build up, no tease, no antic, no perfume bottle launched, no tabloid fodder – just the announcement of new music via his website and a release on iTunes. As I...

 

Related shopping